For the anxious

What's it like to have both feet flat on the ground at the same time
I've done it a few times
It was like feeling the electrical current of the earth pulsing through my body
It was so good it nearly sent me into pure panic
Relaxation was such a new feeling
When your peeked at all times for as long as you can remember
Stillness is like death
Like slipping away
You have no idea
But maybe you do
At least some of you do
To be ever in motion
Rocking back and forth
Pacing
One foot down and the other constantly attempting to walk away from the rest of the body
My arms moving always
Folding and unfolding
Hands in my pockets then out then back in then wrapped again then one arm at my side with the other across my chest holding the opposite elbow.
Not still
Never
When I'm seated I'm tapping
Shaking
Moving
Looking to get up sit up sit back crack my back fix my leg
I'm getting pins and needles
I've literally pulled muscles contorting  into my comfortable positions
Sitting hurts
Standing is exhausting
Sitting seems better until I sit then I'm stuck
I need to get up to breath
My veins are constricted
I'm losing circulation
Is this sitting up straight? 
Is this?
What's the proper way to position myself in order to utilize my spine best
Are my legs supposed to be at 90 degree angles or is it better to extend my knees? Or fold them under me?
Should I let my arms lay on my stomach or rest on the desk?
It all feels weird and wrong and who do you ask about this sort of thing?
Will my mom know the proper way to sit or stand to reduce tension?
Do I have a bad back?
I wish I could just be
With two feet flat on the floor
Sitting or standing in this room in THIS moment.
Not reliving todays events or worrying about 3 hours from now or tomorrow or next summer when will I die how will it happen where will I be will it be fast and painless or slow and scary as I lose my balance then my breath and fade deep into a darkness I've never felt before knowing this horrific moment is the last thing I ever do
Or just two feet flat on the floor
Listening to the sounds of this moment
Mundane and beautiful
Peaceful boring moments thrill me
Maybe you have no idea what I'm talking about or maybe you missed every word I've just said because your counting your heart beats or finding tumors all over your body
Either way this poem is for you