Giddyup

Not until the lines on the edges get blurred
not until they're waving and bending
                                            calling
When the bright lights go dim
when the colors fade
the sounds fizzle
                   trickle away
A pain
a twitch
a puff of smoke
unsatisfying
    swollen
The little piles of time lying before me
things gathered together
unorganized stuff
used but not broken
wasted
    chewed
I think of my bed
the things I might dream of
the process to complete
the movements
still my feet stick to the ground
stubborn
     glued

ColOars

Creative
To be creative
To create.
To see the visible colors
To see the colors no one else does
To pour your imagination out of yourself through your eyes and onto the world in front of you
To create.
Being creative
When your hands and your eyes and your mind all become one thing
To know that in the tiniest of places lays the largest wonder.
Smiling
Smiling hard at the world and knowing that's all it takes to alter it.
Thinking creatively
Feeling your idea build up inside of you and pour out of you exploding in all directions
Seeing
Seeing is believing
Believing your impalpable thoughts will become tangible.

Writhe

Pressure like gravity's senseless hand squeeze
Sweat hits the head before the rest of the body
You think
Death
Sooner than expected but expected
Aches like organ failure
like life leaving
You think
Fuck
Shoulda coulda woulda
Then it's passed
Back to pissy tunnel vision
A distraction
a cigarette
a bite to eat
Water
Water will fix this
Fooled again
Stand up fast
Feet tingle and head spins
You think
Death

You've self loathed yourself here and self diagnosed your way out again
Rinse and repeat
and repeat
Cyclical hypochondria like wheel spoke expectation
Then nothing
back and forth and around
At this point you know this is you and this is me