Writhe

Pressure like gravity's senseless hand squeeze
Sweat hits the head before the rest of the body
You think
Death
Sooner than expected but expected
Aches like organ failure
like life leaving
You think
Fuck
Shoulda coulda woulda
Then it's passed
Back to pissy tunnel vision
A distraction
a cigarette
a bite to eat
Water
Water will fix this
Fooled again
Stand up fast
Feet tingle and head spins
You think
Death

You've self loathed yourself here and self diagnosed your way out again
Rinse and repeat
and repeat
Cyclical hypochondria like wheel spoke expectation
Then nothing
back and forth and around
At this point you know this is you and this is me