Decluttering Your Life Helps Anxiety.

Is Decluttering even a word?
Yes it is. I looked it up.

Over the past few weeks I've come to the conclusion that I need(ed) to declutter my life in-order to help with my anxiety. I think this will work for everyone, but here is how it's working for me so far.
I have been cleaning up my inner and outer space. Literally cleaning up my outer space. My living space, my dressers, my closet, etc. All of the things that seem to be fine on their own just being where they are. Whether that be laying on the floor untouched for weeks, months or years. Yes, years for some of them. I have a habit of acquiring something, using it then when I'm done with it I leave it in a place that for me seems fine but really it's just in the way. I think there are things I do "need" but if they're not in a specific place then they just collect dust and are in the way. Other things I actually do not need and are just taking up space and collecting dust for no one and for no reason.
So, I decided to donate a lot of stuff to Big Brothers Big Sisters. A great organization that will take almost anything that you no longer need or use and give it to someone who will use it and does need it, but can't afford to buy it.

I started with everything from my old apartment. Everything. Dishes, pots and pans, toaster oven, cups, bowls, everything I used in my kitchen everyday that has been wasting away in my closet for almost six years now. It's weird that these things that sat in a closet pretty much out of my vision and daily life in a way held me back from moving on. It was like each and every one of these items was a kind of a barrier preventing me from moving forward. Here's an example of how my mindset would work and maybe this is just me, but maybe you can relate. You tell me.

I would think: "I need to start painting again!"
                        "I really can't begin though, because I have all of this crap taking up all this space and until I organize it I can't fully utilize my current space." Basically I think because the idea of starting a project or doing something creative would get stifled by the very space those items sitting in my closet took up in my head. Does that make sense?
Here's another example: "I want to record another podcast, or a vlog when I get home."
                                        "First I have to clean off my entire desk, clean off the webcam, get the computer area organized, and grab my other tripod, oh but that's in the closet I think? or maybe it's in a box? Etc"
I would want to begin something and just the literal "things" in my area, whether they be in my actual way or my mental way didn't matter. I cannot think clearly with the knowledge of all of these unused things that belong to me but are not serving me at all existing in some near space of mine. I actually think if I could afford a storage unit I would feel the same way. Even if these things were miles away locked in some garage that I paid a monthly fee for I would still have this attachment to them.

And this brings me to attachment. I get attached to things. Some things for nostalgic reasons. They hold a memory for me or they were a gift. Whether or not I use the items is irrelevant. I have an attachment. But, the issue for me is I find some kind of attachment to lots of things. Useful things or useless things all the same. I definitely have the hoarder mentality. I used to watch that show on A&E and wonder how the hell those people got themselves in those situations. Living in filth, fighting with therapists over the importance of receipts from a decade ago, or just plain old garbage, but I get it now. Me and my family call ourselves "packrats" but we're just hoarders who have yet to let ourselves go fully. I don't think it will ever come to that, but if you ever find me saving bags of my own poop PLEASE SEND HELP!

It won't come to that, at least I don't think so.

I get attached. It's a thing for me and I know there's tons of research about the why and the how, etc but honestly I'm gonna just let my nature be my nature and do my best to do what I feel is right and what works. I think I'm at a place that I can now try things out and if they work I keep them and if they don't I let them go, mostly. It's a work in progress and will probably be that way for the remainder of my life. My attachment is to things and also to ideas. Ideas hold me back, but in different ways, but really it's the same. I'll explain. Things will stop me from moving forward because of the literal physical space they take up both in my head and in my physical world. So by just clearing them up I clear up the space in my head. It's really that simple. With ideas it's not that simple. It's really complicated and to be honest I barely have a grasp on all the moving parts. I do know that I get hung up on ideas. I get an idea in my head like I should or shouldn't do something or shouldn't or can't do something, etc. That's an oversimplified way of putting it but you get it right? A good example is relationships. I want to be one. At least I think I do and then I actually work up the courage to ask a woman out and then actually go on a date and begin the whole dating process and in the beginning they're always great. I feel like I'm being my best self and I see all the other persons best qualities and it feels right. Then something happens, I start getting feelings and thoughts. Really it's mostly thoughts or entirely thoughts and they become feelings. I usually feel love pretty quickly and that feels good. I don't get clingy or anything like that but we all know the "cupcake" phase right? It's the beginning of the relationship where no one can do wrong and we only see the good, etc. You know. Well, I think for most this period lasts months to a year. Maybe I'm wrong. I think for me it's only weeks maybe months. I get attached to the idea of who it is I'm saying I am or presenting myself to be, and I'm not lying, I am this person I say I am, but I'm also someone who likes quiet and alone time. LOTS OF ALONE TIME. Maybe too much, but who knows what that is. What's too much alone time? I like my time alone in quiet reflection while I watch netflix, write blogs and eat. Eat everything. Anyway.

In the last two years or so I've been in five relationships. The longest was a little over five months. The rest barely got passed two months. Now I know these relationships didn't work because we were not right for each other. Nothing toxic, just not right which is why they ended. It's a pretty natural thing really, but I know that I get attached to the "idea" of a person or of a relationship. How I want it to go, or how I think it should go, or what I'm looking for. I really don't know what I'm looking for exactly. That's the honest truth, but I think I get attached to the attachment of those ideas and I get myself into relationships that should probably never be in the first place. Maybe. I don't want to sound like it was bad from the get-go but obviously I'm single so they didn't work. No good relationship ends. It's that simple. Or maybe it's not?! I don't really know. What I do know is that I'm single and I'm not really looking this time. I'm gonna see what happens, and please understand that I'm not even quite sure what that means either but I've heard myself and other people say it and it sounds appropriate.

SO,
I've been clearing up my physical and my mental space and it's actually been awesome. Like AWESOME!
I feel great. I am now currently sitting in that closet that was recently filled with boxes of stuff, but is now a small office that I've created. I moved my desk in here and donated a lot of my stuff and threw away a lot of stuff too. Just crap taking up space and it feels great. I have about six boxes of things that I think I do have a real emotional connection to and will be going through them in the next days and weeks and my goals is to keep what is truly a joy for me to keep and either donate or throw out the rest. Simplify. I want my living space to be where I sleep and create. That is it. And let's be honest a clean space is a happier space. I know we've all read things that go along the lines of "a cluttered desk is a sign of intelligence" or "the smartest people are super messy" etc
I think that's all bullshit. Just because there exists a photo of Einstein's cluttered desk does not mean there is any correlation because behind that desk on the chalkboard was the Theory of FUCKING Relativity. If you're working on some groundbreaking, human evolving, changing of history forever kind of thing then sure be a pig. As the for rest of us cleaner is happier and in the long run will aid in our creativity and DEFINITELY help with anxiety. A lot of anxiety is just being overwhelmed and indecisive and clutter is overwhelming and makes me very indecisive. It makes me stagnate, it really does. I know this could in fact just be me, but I think maybe it's not. Let me know.

Thanks for reading this. I really hope it helped and at the very least you can relate and know that you are not alone in your weird ways.

If you ever want to reach out to me please feel free to do so.

Thanks!

Lou
The Louniverse