Hello!
So I'm starting this blog a little early in the day in the hopes I complete it before 1am haha.
Everyday I feel a little bit better but the urge to Google my symptoms is still there and it's really strong this morning. I haven't done it and will not do it but I WANT to do it, a lot. When I wake up I'm good but throughout the morning I'm feeling a little weak, specifically in my legs and feet. I'm sure this is because I'm still fighting something off but something happened today that almost sent me into high anxiety and directly onto Google to do the one thing I know will cause me nothing but grief. I has a conversation with my boss regarding why I've been coming into work late. I explained I'm still feeling fatigued and having issues with sleeping and getting out of bed in the AM. I explained that I think the virus I'm fighting off is mono and he literally jumped back 3 feet from me as if I was contagious, which I know at some point I was but if I were to spread it around I guess I would have done so by now, I explained. This leas to talk about not knowing exactly what it was and doctor talk and I felt my anxiety coming up like boiling water or a strong vibration. We ended quickly, maybe two full minutes of actual tall time but it took me the better part of ten minutes to cool myself out. I found out that talking to myself can help me because I can control what I'm saying or thinking but I cannot control what someone else says or their inflection, tone, etc so what they say and how they day it can either easy mind or set it on fire.
It's not Midnight. I didn't complete my task, but I also didn't not complete my task! A HA! Ok, so I went to the doctor today for yet another follow up. I asked some questions regarding the possibility I'm dying of some kind of terrible illness and according to my bloodwork and how I feel I'm gonna go ahead and say no. I'm not dying, at least not anytime TOO soon. I will be dying though, I have not acquired immortality and if I did I MIGHT tell all of you. Big maybe.
OK SO! My mind is for the most part at ease. AHHHHHHHH BREATH IN.....EXHALE.....AHHH
I do feel much better. My obsessive, intrusive, anxious mind is still on non-stop repeat but I am allowing it to be. I am saying OK. Be that way and I will let the thoughts come and then let them go, as if I was watching a car whiz by me on the highway. I will do this to the best of my ability for as long as I can, or until it becomes second nature to me and I'm living in a mostly positive state of mind.
I've been listening to mindscape meditations on Spotify which consist mostly of tones at different hertz which I've read can heal and repair the mind and/or the mood. I do believe vibrations affect us as humans so this makes sense to me, plus even if it doesn't REALLY do anything it's certainly not hurting me and I'm all for the placebo affect. I also listened to a lecture by Alan Watts today about overthinking. It's one that I've heard before but today it truly resonated with me. Maybe because I've been so desperate to feel better and ease my mind or maybe because this mindscape meditation sound stuff has been settling my mind. Who knows! I don't and I don't care, all I know is that this lecture really got to me and made me think about thinking less. I"ll post the link right here - Alan Watts Check it out. It's 38 minutes of your life you can afford to spend on Youtube that isn't slap fights or Top 10 videos.
I also recorded my daily video today which you can find here - The Louniverse
I'm going to end here because I'm tired and I want to. Thank you for reading! have a good night, good morning and find me here tomorrow same place, hopefully (most likely) not same time.
Lou
It's not Midnight. I didn't complete my task, but I also didn't not complete my task! A HA! Ok, so I went to the doctor today for yet another follow up. I asked some questions regarding the possibility I'm dying of some kind of terrible illness and according to my bloodwork and how I feel I'm gonna go ahead and say no. I'm not dying, at least not anytime TOO soon. I will be dying though, I have not acquired immortality and if I did I MIGHT tell all of you. Big maybe.
OK SO! My mind is for the most part at ease. AHHHHHHHH BREATH IN.....EXHALE.....AHHH
I do feel much better. My obsessive, intrusive, anxious mind is still on non-stop repeat but I am allowing it to be. I am saying OK. Be that way and I will let the thoughts come and then let them go, as if I was watching a car whiz by me on the highway. I will do this to the best of my ability for as long as I can, or until it becomes second nature to me and I'm living in a mostly positive state of mind.
I've been listening to mindscape meditations on Spotify which consist mostly of tones at different hertz which I've read can heal and repair the mind and/or the mood. I do believe vibrations affect us as humans so this makes sense to me, plus even if it doesn't REALLY do anything it's certainly not hurting me and I'm all for the placebo affect. I also listened to a lecture by Alan Watts today about overthinking. It's one that I've heard before but today it truly resonated with me. Maybe because I've been so desperate to feel better and ease my mind or maybe because this mindscape meditation sound stuff has been settling my mind. Who knows! I don't and I don't care, all I know is that this lecture really got to me and made me think about thinking less. I"ll post the link right here - Alan Watts Check it out. It's 38 minutes of your life you can afford to spend on Youtube that isn't slap fights or Top 10 videos.
I also recorded my daily video today which you can find here - The Louniverse
I'm going to end here because I'm tired and I want to. Thank you for reading! have a good night, good morning and find me here tomorrow same place, hopefully (most likely) not same time.
Lou
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