Hello! Good evening/early morning.
I've been slacking with this blog but consider this a minor speed bump and will do my best to write one everyday from here on out! Please hold me to this! Only you can cure my procrastination! No you can't.
So the last few days have been real trying ups and downs. I do feel physically better. Whatever this virus is that I'm fighting off, I feel as though I'm getting a little better everyday. This is mostly due to me NOT googling my symptoms anymore, and I promise I'm not. And to me allowing intrusive thoughts to enter my head and not cause high anxiety. I have convinced myself that I've either contracted HIV or Hodgkins Lymphoma, then back to just some more common viral infection like mono or something of that nature. Now, I realize how dramatic that may sound and how much of a hypochondriac I am, but I think the only way to beat this anxiety, obsessive disorder and intrusive thoughts is to tell myself that I most likely do not have something that serious BUT if I did it would be ok and I would fight to keep myself healthy, make lifestyle changes and keep my shit together no matter what. I think taking on the intrusive, anxiety fueled thoughts is the best way to combat them. Fighting them, denying them or ignoring them has not worked AT ALL thus far. My mind can and does rationalize any possibility and with the notion that ANYTHING is possible floating around my mind I find that it's next to impossible to deny or ignore any thought no matter how unwanted or unlikely or fear filled it is. I am embracing it all and keeping my wits about me. I'm keeping my head up and focused. I've not had a panic attack in I think weeks, at least 2 weeks maybe a bit less. I consider this a victory. My general anxiety has spiked quite a bit during these past two weeks but never to the point of total panic. Close but not quite. I am living this life how I want to live it if it's the last thing I do. I have much work to do but I feel very much on the right track. More so than I ever have. I'm still trying new methods for both my mind and body and will probably always try new things. Today I've discovered the soundscapes meditation of the solfeggio tones. How well this works I don't know, but I'm trying it. I'll sleep tonight with the 417hz tone in my ears and see how it affects my negative energy. I'm trying to be as open and willing as possible to be healed and heal myself.
Good luck to us all!
Thank you for reading!
Lou
If you ever feel like that worry is too heavy, talking to someone who knows how anxiety works can help a lot. If you’re in Dallas, a psychiatrist in Dallas TX could help you find ways to manage the intrusive thoughts and fear — so they affect you less.
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